so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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