he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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