Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Houston, we have a blender
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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