I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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