i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
