I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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