i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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