Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
