okay pat passed out under dana's car
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
