I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
