Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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