Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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