She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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