i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Is it because I queefed?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm both gender and math confused
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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