Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
