An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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