No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
