I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
