Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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