Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I met the friendliest cop last night
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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