Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
