my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
