I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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