I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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