Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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