my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize