No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
