Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
