Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I would ride that face into the sunset
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
