Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Semen is not good for contacts.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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