do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
