I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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