I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
