Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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