He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i think i just lost a toe
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
