Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
