how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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