Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
