At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
we're so committed to being not committed
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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