i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
