a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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