are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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