i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
