I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
