he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
