My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
