the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Randomize
