life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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