3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
