I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
