While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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