He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
