***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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