You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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