4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
