alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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