we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
