yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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