If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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