but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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