Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so let's talk penis.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
