Umm I'm too high to move.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
