peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
