Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
