I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
