Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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