Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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