I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i think i just lost a toe
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
