i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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