I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
