dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
