when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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