its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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